January 16, 2021
In December, I began to feel very hopeful. The vaccine was approved and Phase 1 of vaccinations in Ontario began. There was finally a light at the end of tunnel! Christmas cheer, decorations, and baked goods worked wonders on my mood. Even a socially distanced Christmas couldn't get me down. Despite COVID and the associated restrictions, I felt good!
Then we took down our tree, COVID numbers continued to rise, the province implemented stricter guidelines, and a sense of hopelessness began to creep back in. Since mid-August numbers have been steadily increasing, despite the efforts put in place. I know people are complaining about how Ford has dealt with COVID precautions in Ontario, but I find for my own wellbeing I have to ignore all the complaints and negativity in the news....even if it's true, I find reading articles damaging to my mental wellbeing. Likewise, people are complaining about the slow roll out of vaccines in Ontario. But I try to stay positive - WE HAVE A VACCINE!
3 people in my family have already had the first dose. That's so cool! When this all started a year ago, a vaccine was just an idea in our minds. Now it is actually here and people are starting to be protected! I've never seen people posting pictures on social media when getting vaccinated before. I've never heard of people crying out of joy when getting a needle stuck in them. This is a momentous occasion and we should take the time to properly appreciate it! I know there is a lot of negativity in the world right now, but I also think it's very important to acknowledge and be grateful when good things happen too! It's easy to get stuck focusing on the negative.
That being said, I don't think ignoring all the shit in the world and pretending to be happy is a good strategy. That's something that I'm currently working on. COVID takes its toll on people in different ways - ways we may not even be aware of. Lately, when speaking with friends, I've noticed we are all going through something similar. We're more anxious, more emotionally reactive, feeling more tension in our personal relationships. It's important to acknowledge that not everything feels good right now. As the weather got colder and restrictions tightened, we've had even more of our support systems taken away. We aren't even supposed to gather with our friends and family outside. We may have income loss or job loss. Things are tough. And it's okay to acknowledge how the situation makes us feel.
I am someone who finds it hard to acknowledge or accept when I feel sad. I immediately try to take action and remedy the situation. But no amount of phone calls with friends, morning yoga, or therapy sessions will make up for the fact that I can't go to my parents' for family meals, hug my nieces and nephews who are growing up so fast, go out to celebrate birthdays, or spend time in-person with my friends.
So I'm also trying to accept that it's okay to feel sad. I remind myself that it makes sense that I feel a sense of loss, at times maybe even hopeless. By turning toward these difficult feelings, I can better understand what's going on for me and understand what I need in that moment. Because ignoring these tough feelings is not making them going away. (It's actually making things worse.) This takes ongoing effort, a lot of practice, and can be incredibly challenging. But I think working on acceptance of whatever is coming up with me is important, so I don't just feel incredibly angry and reactive for the rest of the winter.
The vaccine is coming! Warmer weather is coming! And it'll be a bit of a journey to get there. We're all on this emotional roller coaster together, and let's see if we can acknowledge the ups and downs that come with it.
- Roo