August 9, 2020
Now we're in Phase 3. The government says we can eat in restaurants, go to the movies, work out at the gym, and attend events of up to 50 people while inside. There is a lot that we are allowed to do now that feels incredibly risky to me. But everyone has different perceptions of risk and different levels of risk tolerance, so we're all making different decisions.
One big decision to make throughout the pandemic is about how to move forward with your wedding. I'm at the age where a LOT of people seem to be getting married. Pre-COVID my partner and I were invited to 3 weddings. As soon social distancing was in effect, people began making decisions about what they'd do for their weddings. Early on my brother and sister-in-law told me they attended a
Zoom wedding where the couple got married in a park. As soon as social gatherings of 10 people were allowed, I saw pictures online of small celebrations with close relatives and friends. I heard about a friend of a friend hosting a 50 person wedding in a restaurant as soon as they were allowed to do so. Obviously there are a number of options, even during COVID, for planning your wedding. Whereas in the past the couple getting married would typically make wedding planning big decisions and for the most part guests would comply with the plan, now more than ever the views of wedding guests can dictate what your wedding looks like.
The first wedding invite we had was for late August. I was supposed to be in the wedding party. Within the first month of the pandemic my friends informed me that they'd be postponing until next year. I was incredibly relieved. I didn't want to be put in a position where I'd have to back out of being in someone's wedding, but I also am not going to put my self in situation that I'm not comfortable with.
The next wedding was scheduled for late September. We'd been assuming this would be postponed, like many other weddings of people we know, but we hadn't had a clear answer until this weekend. Yesterday, the groom messages us and said something along the lines of, "We're still having our wedding. A number of people have already backed out. Would you still attend?" He gave us an out by letting us know others were already saying no.
My partner and I didn't even need to discuss it. Even wearing masks, we are not going to gather in a crowded room for hours with a bunch of other people. We'd be on edge, very uncomfortable (especially since half the people out there don't seem to understand that a mask needs to cover your mouth AND nose), and we wouldn't be able to properly celebrate our friends' union. It sucks to not be able to go. But we're putting our own safety and comfort first. I'm sure that when this couple planned their wedding they would never have expected so many of their guests to decline.
Prior to 2 weeks ago we hadn't heard any concrete plans about the third wedding we'd been invited to. I had assumed they'd either had a small wedding or were postponing it. But then we got an e-vite for a Zoom wedding scheduled for this evening. It seems that as soon as an event is held online, you don't really need to give much notice...I guess most people these days are at home anyway. We didn't have to book a hotel to stay over night in some
town outside of the city, we didn't have to fret about what we're going to wear. We just got to seat ourselves in front of a computer for an hour on a Sunday night. The couple and the rabbi each had a mic. There were multiple camera angles, so we could watch the couple and their families walk down the aisle, and also see them up close throughout the ceremony. They even had a video recording of the choir from their synagogue singing. Despite some technical difficulties, they did a good job. But from my perspective, it definitely felt like a lot of the magic and was lost because we weren't there in person. And obviously we missed out on the dancing...
It's a unique time to be thinking about marriage and planning weddings. Some people view this is one of the most important days of their life and it can be devastating to postpone and/or not be able to celebrate as planned. For others, the idea of a small wedding just with immediate family is incredibly appealing, and a great excuse to not invite people without offending them. I wonder if the pandemic has decreased the amount of comments to
unwed couples my age about when they are going to get married. Probably not. But, for some, I bet it's decreased their own urgency. I am very curious to see what happens to the wedding industry and the way that weddings are held as we move forward through this uncertain time in which COVID cases, social distancing guidelines, and gathering limits are constantly in flux.
- Roo