October 13, 2020
As of 12:01AM on October 10th, Toronto returned to a modified Stage 2 - a number of businesses are once again closed (e.g., movie theatres, gyms) and there is no more indoor dining allowed. These closures come as daily COVID cases are on the rise and the temperature outside is falling. It feels a bit like déjà vu.
As we were coming out of last winter, lockdown happened and we quickly set up videocalls with friends and family, formed online book clubs, signed up for virtual exercise classes, and began bundling up to go for walks so that we could actually socialize in person. That was my life for a few months. Although the situation was not ideal, it sure was novel. It felt hard but manageable. As daily cases began dropping, businesses started opening up, and it warmed up outside. During the summer, COVID had less an impact on my ability to exercise (I could bike all around the city, go on long walks in the sunshine) and I could hang out with friends in backyards and parks. Although life was a bit different, it certainly could feel normal at times. People could even go to the gym and workout or meet up with their friends inside a restaurant, if they wanted. When talking to people in the summer months, it finally felt like we had a handle on things.
But as we were warned again and again, the second wave has come and services are shutting down. So now, as the leaves begin falling and it's not so comfortable to sit in a park or go on a long walk with friends - BAM - it's time to rein ourselves in.
I feel like I have to once again learn all the skills and get back into the habits I developed in the Spring. I'm slowly coming around to the notion of scheduling Zoom calls again. I'm starting to think about finding some virtual exercise classes to attend. but it's SO DAMN HARD to accept the constantly changing situation. I'm really sad, frustrated, impatient, and anxious, and everything inside me is screaming, "NOOOO, FUCK THIS! Screw COVID. Let me do what I want." But I know my conscience (and my partner) will not allow me to do whatever I want, no matter how fed up I am.
Although it doesn't always FEEL like we can get through this, logically, I know we can. I remind myself that humans are so damn resilient...I mean, clearly we are, we've taken over literally the entire world. (I think I used literally right, but my history and geography knowledge is lacking, so please be easy on me.) We have adapted to so many different climates and environments. As individuals, many people overcome horrific traumas and still get through each day - some even thrive. As a species we've been through many trying times and have come out the other side. So I KNOW we can work through this. We are resilient. But we also really need to support one another.
I worry about others' health - both physical and mental. The numbers are again reminding me that my actions can put "at risk" individuals, at even more risk for getting sick. But on the flip side, being socially isolated in one's home all winter can have a disastrous impact on mental wellbeing. Especially for those who are pre-disposed to mental health difficulties and those who have minimal social support in their lives...I started writing this post really just to have an outlet to vent, but it's now taken me down a more constructive path.
This is a reminder for me - and maybe for you too - as we enter the colder darker months, it's important to think about the people in our lives. Maybe we know them really well, maybe they're acquaintances or colleagues, maybe we're in touch on a weekly basis, maybe we haven't talked in a year. Regardless, of whether these people - our people - have physical health conditions, have mental health challenges, are in big families, live alone, live busy lives, aren't able to work right now, are introverted, are extraverted - regardless of each individual's situation - they and you may be struggling in ways that others are likely unaware of. So if you're able, try to be forgiving to yourself, gentle on others, and know that a little connection can go a really long way.
-Roo