June 5, 2020
Last weekend, my mum and I had our first 1:1 socially distanced hangout in over 2 months. It was much needed. We had a really good conversation. I told her that lately I've been feeling really fed-up with COVID and the resulting social distancing restrictions placed upon me. Upon everyone. My mum said that my step-dad has taken to saying that he wants to complain about the current situation to "whoever is in charge". I can definitely relate. Unfortunately, there is no manager to make everything better, and complaining doesn't seem to be helping. I'm fed-up, and I'm fed-up with feeling fed-up. I want to make these feelings go away!
I'm especially frustrated because I feel like I'm doing everything right and these feelings won't go away!
I have a daily routine. I shower and put on real clothes every day. I work 9-5.
I exercise. Each week, I attend 3 zoom yoga classes that my mum leads, I have a zoom personal training sessions, I bike, and I walk.
I socialize. I attend a weekly mindfulness group and a bi-weekly book club. I have video and phone calls every few days. And I get together for backyard and park visits.
I am trying to do everything in my power to get these fed-up feelings to go away, and it is NOT working! By trying to avoid and resist my challenging feelings, I am causing myself to suffer more! Remember my take away from my MBCT course I mentioned in the past:
Pain (e.g., social distancing) X Resistance (i.e., everything I do to avoid the pain) = Suffering
After expressing my frustration and desire for a solution, my mum brought up the suggestion to work on acceptance and getting curious about my fed-up feelings. Essentially, as per usual, she suggested that I try to cope with my feelings through mindfulness. This was not a new topic for us to discuss, but for me it was a bit of an "aha" moment. Previously, I've tried to turn toward difficult emotions when I'm feeling them acutely, intensely in the moment -- when I'm anxious about getting all my work done, or when I'm angry after getting in a fight with my partner. But I've never tried to work on turning toward and getting curious about more sustained, underlying feelings that I find unpleasant. That seems like a TON of work. But it seems like I've tried all my other strategies, and they are not making my feelings of fed-upness go away!
Now I have to work up the energy and courage to delve into getting curious about these challenging feelings and how they feel. So I've asked a friend for some resources on Radical Acceptance, a Dialectal Behaviour Therapy technique. Hopefully I'll have some successful experiences of acceptance to share in the near future!
-Roo
Are you experiencing any challenging emotions? Have you been able to accept any circumstances, thoughts, feelings, or sensations that you can't change? I'd love to hear how you are coping with everything that is occurring.
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