As evidenced from the posts on this blog, people seem to be having a wide variety of experiences, as well as reactions to, and feelings about, the pandemic. Some people seem to be thriving - whether that be because they are no longer working and they get more time to focus on themselves, because they get to work from home and sleep-in in the mornings, or because their lives have changed in some other important way. Others seem to be struggling with physical and mental health concerns, taking care of children while working full time, lack of social connection, or lack of meaningful activities, to name a few.
For me, there have been different stages in the Time of COVID.
Stage 1: Ignorance is Bliss
As someone who does not follow the news, whatsoever, I first heard about COVID, in an off-handed comment in mid January. A week or so later, as I was planning for a family trip to Mexico, I heard about it again. My mum was concerned about doing a group tourist activity, given that there was a higher risk of transmission in denser settings. But we looked it up, and there had been no cases in the province we were travelling to, so we went on our merry way. For the month of February, I didn't give it much more thought. To me, it still seemed like this virus that was elsewhere. I just wasn't thinking about it spreading and affecting people I knew. And even if I did give it some thought, I was thinking about SARS and Swine Flu, which in my memory, had no impact on my daily life.
Stage 2: Gradual Awareness
On March 12th, was when it finally started sinking in. My mum called me that morning on my way to work, and her words really started sinking in. This was serious. This wasn't something in the news that I could just ignore. This was going to impact us in all sorts of ways we couldn't imagine. That day at work, for the first time, I was having a lot of discussions about this virus with colleagues; we were talking about our worries. I left work early, and I'll admit it, went panic grocery shopping. Now I was overwhelmed. I remember wondering, "Why had that day been like a light switch flipping for me?" Then someone told me that the day before, on March 11th, the World Health Organization had declared the COVID situation to be a pandemic. So even though I wasn't paying attention to the news, I was certainly picking up on the feelings of everyone who was aware of what was going on in the world.
Stage 3: Bouts of Anxiety
It was astonishing how quickly things changed after that announcement. That Friday, March 13th, was my last day at work. Then we stopped having anyone over to our apartment. Although we went on socially distanced walks for the next few weeks, I quickly stopped feeling comfortable doing that. I started periodically reading the news. And every time I read about COVID, the more freaked out I became. I would have bouts of anxiety where I was positive that my loved ones would contract COVID and die. It felt like a certainty, statistics be damned. I was really scared. I felt like I had to stay away from everyone I loved, so I wouldn't accidentally infect them...and kill them.
Stage 4: Adjusting to the new Normal
I got more accustomed to working from home, and having video calls instead of visiting friends and family. I started getting used to the situation and my bouts of anxiety decreased in frequency and intensity. I also, stopped reading the news, except to review government recommendations for social distancing, which helped a lot. I also found out about a few people I know getting diagnosed with COVID and being totally fine (either not showing any symptoms or getting a slight cold). Two of these people were in their 80s and 90s. It reminded me that although it may have felt like it, contracting COVID does not equate to a death sentence.
I think that is what really helped me regulate my emotions; I found some strong evidence against my automatic thoughts.
Then one morning, after my anxiety had dissipated and I was missing my family, my parents called me up. They said they were in my area, and asked if I wanted to join for a socially distanced walk. Even though a few weeks prior I had steadfastly declared that I should not go on walks with people, I did not hesitate for a second. I jumped at the chance to see them. That "broke the seal", so to speak. I began scheduling socially distanced backyard visits and walks with all my friends and family. I was so surprised that everyone else was also willing to get together. It seems like we were all longing for the social connection we had enjoyed pre-COVID.
During that period, I was ecstatic to have visits with loved ones. It was getting warmer, so I could bike around the city, get ice cream with friends, and have backyard visits with my family. I actually felt satisfied with the current situation. There were even some positives. I no longer had to commute an hour each way to work! What a time saver.
Stage 4: Losing Motivation
I am a very energetic, enthusiastic, and hard working person. I.e., I am typically VERY motivated. However, in the past few weeks, I have noticed that my productivity and motivation to do my work has decreased significantly. I find myself putting off work, taking longer breaks during the day, and feeling resentful when I'm asked to do additional tasks that I previously would have looked forward to. This is a very unusual situation for me, and I feel at a bit of a loss of what to do. I've been doing all the things they recommend - maintaining routine, staying socially connected, expressing gratitude, practicing mindfulness, exercising regularly, sleeping well...but it doesn't seem to be enough. Maybe there just isn't an "enough" right now.
I've talked with others who are also struggling to maintain motivation or be productive, during the Time of COVID. It's tough. This doesn't seem to be a situation that I can problem solve my way out of. I imagine my emotions, motivation, and energy will ebb and flow throughout this period, as these things tend to do. For now, I guess all I can do is keep using my available coping strategies and try to accept that I will not necessarily maintain my previous levels of productivity throughout this period.
- Roo
Each person's experience during this time seems to be so different. What your experience in the Time of COVID been like?
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