April 18, 2020
Over the past month, I have experienced high anxiety and intense sadness, on numerous occasions. Typically, I am someone who enjoys problem solving, and my anxiety tends to lead to list making, scheduling, and long hours of work. These behaviours have typically been very effective, because then my anxiety goes away. However, now that my worries are less about feeling overwhelmed at school or work, and focused more globally on the “what ifs”, my coping mechanisms are no longer working so well. What if my parents get really sick? What if my loved ones die? And those “what ifs” quickly lead to a downward spiral. How will I cope? I won’t be able to tolerate it! Leading to feelings of sadness and hopelessness.
There really is no way to problem solve or work my way out of this situation. I DO NOT HAVE CONTROL. And for me, that is VERY scary and distressing. So what can I do? Sometimes it feels like the only thing I am able to do is let the anxiety tornado take over, until it ends in a fit of tears. Although hugs from my boyfriend and phone calls with my mum can help me in the moment, the next time those worries pop into my head – which let’s be realistic, will be sooner rather than later – I will be back in a puddle of tears before I know it. So over the past few months I’ve been trying to find alternative ways to manage uncertainty and the worries that go along with it.
Recently I took a Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) course. I took it so that I could figure out how to better tolerate anxiety and try not to do everything in my power to avoid it. And I have to say I was very pleased with the skills I learned. I had been exposed to MBCT courses and training on and off for the past 10 years, but I had never really gotten into it. But finally it clicked for me….well more like I allowed myself to succumb to it…but the end result was the same! I finally figured out how to just be present and explore my unpleasant feelings. And the coolest thing happened – when I was able to just sit and be with my feelings and whatever was arising for me, I was also able to not get as caught up in – or at least I was able to bring myself back from – those anxiety spirals. FINALLY!
One of the major lessons I learned from that course, which I’d like to share with you, is about resistance. All of us will experience emotional pain at different points in our life. That is part of the human experience. But how we react to the pain is so important. Resisting painful experiences and painful emotions can make our suffering so much worse! When I am feeling highly anxious or hopeless that is pain that I am experiencing. And resisting those emotions - I don’t want to this feel this way! Why won’t these feelings go away? This isn’t fair! – just makes my suffering increase! When I accept that I am distressed about our current situation, and I try to accept and tolerate those painful emotions, I find I am more regulated than when I have an added layer of feelings of injustice and unfairness, and maybe even anger. Accepting the situation reduces suffering and improves my ability to tolerate painful feelings and let them pass more quickly. In my MBCT course they drew out an equation that has stuck with me. (For all you math nerds out there, try to to analyze it too critically.) Pain X Resistance = Suffering. So let’s reduce the resistance through acceptance!
This is not an easy feat. Each time I am anxious or sad or angry, I have to first remind myself to practice mindfulness, and then I have to be willing to choose mindfulness over reactivity. Needless to say, mindfulness does not always win out. But it’s winning out sometimes, and I am going to keep working to try and make mindfulness my go-to habit. I think that is a key aspect for getting through this pandemic, for me. I can’t change the situation, so I may as well work on acceptance. This doesn’t mean that I should just give up, rather it gives me the space to feel my feelings and make a choice about how I want to act.
Interestingly, the other day I reminded myself to take a moment to practice mindfulness when I was feeling dejected about being in self-isolation. So instead of feeling bummed out and bingeing on Netflix, I took 5 minutes to focus on my body sensations, thoughts, and emotions. And that meditation put me in a whole new head space. Right after that, I decided to start this blog, which is a way more stimulating use of my time than watching all 6 seasons of Community…not that I’ve given up on that plan, I’m just putting a pause on it.
- Roo
I’ve shared some of my ideas about tolerating uncertainty during this uncertain time. Is there anything you are doing to manage distress? What’s working and what isn’t working for you? Please share in the comments section below!